I've been fighting "pre" diabetes for about 4 years now. My health problems started during my last relationship; I was in a horrible relationship that lasted for almost 10 years and the stress of it all was making me gravely ill and depressed. And of course what do most people turn to when they are feeling down? They eat BAD food. Glorious nom nom nom..deliciously, bad for you food.
Every year it seemed my pant size would go up.. and every year I would just tell myself everything was okay. Of course everything was not okay; my then fiance was cheating on me with practically everyone, I was working over 70 hours a week, and my health was rapidly deteriorating.
The turning point was when I was admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion and three busted vessels in my nasal cavity. I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say my bathroom looked like a murder scene and the cops wanted to take my then fiancé in for questioning. Every orifice in my face would not stop bleeding (my eyes even bleed a little) and I was choking on my own blood it felt like I was drowning. After several tests, surgery, and two weeks of gauze stuck up my nostrils, my doctors concluded that I was on a fast track to dying early. If I didn't get rid of the stress in my life and start living a healthier lifestyle I would definitely die young. That was an extreme wake up call for me; I got rid the horrible husband (CRAZY, we got married anyway during all that), the stressful job (unfortunately...or fortunately, I was laid off..), and lost almost 4 dress sizes with healthier eating and discovering that I love running. Things were started to looking up!
Of course after moving to the mid-west to be with the love of my life (I wasn't looking.. and there he was! But that's story for another time..) did a little number on me. I love Dillon with all my heart (see my Valentine post here), but that didn't stop me from falling into a deep depression after I moved to the mid-west. I missed family (miss, I still miss them *sniffle*), friends, the beach, home cooked Korean food... seeing Asian people in general; for me, it is hard being practically the only Asian in my area... I don't feel like I fit in. But I digress, I was so depressed that I swear I didn't leave Dillon's house, or the bedroom for that matter for almost a month. And since my immune system was down I had even contracted H1N1 (and back to the hospital I went. SIGH.).
That was three years ago. And while things are better (less depression equals awesome drug therapy!) I have lost the motivation I had to be healthy. My stress level has soared due to working full time, going to school full time, a mortgage, car payments, 2.5 animals (Zed is half cat, half devil) and other adult responsibilities. I am back up 4 dress sizes and in denial that everything is okay. And I've turned back to food, in particular sugar and everything that is bad for me. I'm lazier than ever, my eyes are going bad, and I just don't feel right.
Where am I going with this whole spilling-my-guts post? Well, first off, I need to stop being in denial and just admit there's a problem. And it's hard to stay in denial when you have a voice mail message from your doctor saying, "You have diabetes, CALL ME." Next, I need to stop using food as my cure-all; it is obviously not a cure-all, but you know what I mean. And lastly, and more importantly, I want to live for a long time. I have so many things I want to do, especially with Dillon. So cutting my life short because I was too lazy to eat better or exercise is not in my plans for the future.
This is it people; I'm going to beat this and I'm going to get this body into shape.
(((I know I sound all gung-ho, but I'm truly pissing my pants right now... so any suggestions are greatly appreciated!)))
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